Setting the stage

If we are to have a relationship I need to "Set the Stage" if you will. Tell you, not about myself but about those I sail with. People I rub hooks with, swap eye patches with, people I rape, ravage and plunder with. Like most Pirates this Pirate docks in several ports. There is the office port and of course the home port. Then there is the occassional random port, or the area where I am playing without a net. In each of these ports or places there are some different characters. People who I have to deal with on a regular basis. Some of them are flat out crazy others are bordering on mentally challenged yet others are the reason I have kept my ship sailing.

At the home port I share command with Mrs. Pirate, who is responsible for keeping my flag waving. Her number one task in life or should I say her reason for existance is to make sure I am happy at all times. Or at least when she wants to. I am much bigger than she is but she still scares the shit out of me. She is small and soft spoken, bright and caring, smart but humorless. I have no doubt that Lorena Bobbit could learn a lot from her. She supports my endeavors but often questions my motives. She is the most sane Pirate I know. She is well educated but has few street smarts. I always tell visitors she is like a chimp. Small, cute, nice smile and could rip your arms off and beat you over the head with them. Her most redeeming characteristic is she puts up with my shit and still loves me. She taught special ed for 13 years, I suppose that is where she received the training to keep me focused.

Our first baby Pirate is now in her early 20s and is referred to as, Blaze. She is a paramedic/ firefighter protecting the country against young male Arabs. A front line fighter, who sells flowers on the side and takes kick boxing seriously. And she voted for Kerry. Some where along the line I fucked up on my indoctrination of her skull of mush. Though we differ in who should be the captain of USS America she is still one of the best Pirates I know. She currently is living with a Pirate wannabe. At this stage of their nesting he treats her nicely. But I do not have any problem gutting him if he ever hurts her.

Eating us out of house and ship is number one son, Jock. He is a great kid and a Junior in high school. Smart as a tack but keeps his grades at C level apparently for better sailing. The kid was born with the ability to be the best at whatever he does even grades if he'd apply himself. Good looking, great smile, athletic, possesser of good friendships, loves his family but he is flat out lazy. The Jock can play video games all day only coming up from below deck to eat, shit and make a mess. He is also very costly to raise.

Number two son, Slick is a freshman in high school and has never met a woman he doesn't like. This guy is destine to get pussy in the rock star range when he leaves port. Tall, good looking, caring, humorous and plays the piano like nobody's business. If the phone rings 100 times a day at home port, 90 are girls asking to speak to him. I have walked the hall with him at school to attend some school event and girl after girl walks up to him smiling and showing surrender, just to ask for a hug. If he wasn't from my loins I would hate him.

Little Sister rounds out the brood. She is in Middle school and is no doubt the little sister. She is smarter than all of us. She is prettier than all of us. She has all the humor in the house and she knows where all the bodies are buried. There is no doubt she will run the world someday. She is an excellent athelete and brings home straight A's. She flips us all crap and keeps score on everything.

The Boarder is another pirate floating around the home port. This guy is a childhood friend of mine that was down in his luck last summer so we allowed him to stay in the pool house until he could get his boat floating again. He has now become the thing that won't leave. Mrs. Pirate, Slick and Little Sister are all ready to take him for a ride around the pond and leave his sorry ass. Jock hasn't ever put together that he is living at our house. He thinks he came with the pool house. I need him to move on but he knows where to indescretely purchase good herb and brings great conversation about our youthful years. He is the king at the local Taco Bell so he keeps the brood full of Chalupas.

Tomorrow I'll let you in on the Office port.