Pirate makes it back from Yakima

Ahoy ye maties. It be good to moor up to me ol' winch after me plundering thee Yakima savages. It be eleven fortnight I had to moor in foggy Yakima. Mrs. Pirate will be wanting me to stay a sea longer after the gift of lust I did bring her. She thinks I either have a damsel hidden in me cabin or I got into the "Sea-Alyce". She thinks me mast has become sturdier for the fare she provided and I display a heartier hunger for her loins she claims. I insist it be my ever unwavering heart's fire I carry for her. I haven't the heart nor the balls to tell her that after eleven nights of Red Lion porn and Rosy Palm and her five sisters I'm zealed from deprevation.; i.e. hornier than hell.

Yakima was a very busy job with too damn much to do. My co-worker and I drug our sorry asses back to our motel rooms after long days and a long weekend. If it weren't for the on-line in-room porn you could watch and the "Still in Theaters" movies I would have gone completely over the edge.

I also took some herb to allow for proper elevation in the evening. Plus it was my birthday on the 26th so I had to celebrate the best way I know how. There was some problems with the means of celebration though. Apparently Red Lion motel chain has become politically correct and has banned smoking in all of their rooms. They posted a warning sign that they would charge you fifty bucks to smoke in the rooms. So I had to puff on the balcony. Standing on the balcony in my pirate underwear blowing smoke about the city of Yakima was my birthday celebration. Good thing for the folks of Yakima it was foggy.

Then on checkout morning I trudged to the front desk and told them I was checking out please give me my bill. I'm standing there as this early twentysomething damsel rings up my bill, wondering how many of these old farts like me checkout with a weeks of porn on their bill. About that time my co-worker walks up as this beautiful little girl tells me that she took some of the movies off my bill because I hadn't watched them long enough to charge me. With every fiber in my body hiding my public embarrassment I smiled and said in my best Jack Nicholson immitation, "Why thank you dear, my guests had arrived before I could finish", and walked away smiling at my co-worker.

I wasn't embarrassed because of the movies, I was embarrassed because I thought she may think I was a premature whacker: not a master of my own domain.