Bad Joke Day

Friday can be the bad joke day. I was going to tell this one awhile back but I held off for obvious reasons. Now here goes the worst joke I know and love.

Stretch Starbucks was slapping back his last beer for the evening when a young man sat next to him at the bar and asked if he could buy Stretch another beer. Stretch obliged and drank another beer and another and another. After awhile he opened up with the young fellow and asked him his name. “What is your name my new young friend?”

The young man told him, “My name is Fred Johnson.”

“Fred Johnson, my name is Stretch Starbucks. It is an absolute honor to meet you. I have now met every person in the world.”

Fred first thought it was the beer talking for Stretch, but as the evening drew on Fred came to realize Stretch wasn’t kidding when he said he knew everyone in the whole world. At least it was obvious that Stretch thought that to be the case.

Then the evening turned toward the adventurous, Stretch looked to Fred and said I’ll bet you $1,000 I do know everyone in the whole world. Fred instantly seized on the easy money making opportunity. “You’re on.” Fred slapped $1,000 down on the bar in front of Stretch.

“What do I do to prove to you I know everyone in the whole world, Fred Johnson?” Stretch asked.

“Let me think of someone you will not know.” Fred began to think. “Okay you don’t know George Bush”.

“I certainly do know him. Are you speaking of the son or the dad?”

“The dad”

“Fred, George and I go way back to the early 80s or the late 70s. It just happens to be that I read this morning in the local paper the ex-President will be in town for a speech tomorrow. Let’s go together and see him.”

“Your on.”

The next morning the two met at the Hilton downtown and walked to the front desk. As they walked up to the desk a secret service man came up and said, “Stretch, Mr. Bush is waiting for you up stairs.” The two were led up stairs and to Fred’s surprise it became very obvious the two, George Bush and Stretch Starbucks were friends.

As the Stretch and Fred were leaving the hotel Stretch told Fred that it wasn’t fair because he had known the ex-President for so long. He gave Fred another opportunity to make back his money.

Fred wanted to make this one count. “Let’s see. You don’t know, um, Bill Gates.”

“I’m sorry I really do. But I’ll prove it to you”

That day the two chartered a plane and flew to Seattle. Took a ferry across the sound and arrived at Bill Gates secluded and well-guarded island estate. At the dock Bill Gates himself met them. Fred was just beside himself. “What is a guy to do?”

Stretch looked at Fed and told him how terrible he felt about taking Fred’s money. So he offered another double or nothing chance.

Fred went to work on this one. Who could he think of that didn’t know Stretch? “I got it. The new Pope Benedict XVI.”

Stretch laughed and laughed. “That is a nice try but I do know him as well.” So off to the Vatican they went.

When they arrived at the Vatican and they were standing outside, Stretch told Fred that only invited guests were allowed into the Pope’s apartment. “So how am I to know if you actually know the Pope?” Fred asked.

“Let’s see. Will you allow me to go in and see if the Pope would come to that balcony up there and wave to you? And I’ll be standing next to him.” He asked pointing to a balcony way overhead.

Fred thought, well if he can get in and actually get to the point of that balcony that’s proof enough. “Sure. I’ll wait right here.”

An hour or more passed as Fred stood idly below the balcony. Looking up and all around he waited. Then after an hour and a half two men appeared on the balcony waiving down at Fred. Fred couldn’t quit make out the face of the man standing next to Stretch. He squinted and squinted but no clear image availed him.

Then out of nowhere a drunk and disheveled man or wino if you will, stumbled up to Fred and asked for money. Fred looked at the man and said, “I’ll give you money if you could tell me who is standing on the balcony up there.” He pointed the two men out to the drunkard sot.

After several minutes of trying to focus the old drunk looked to Fred and said, “I don’t know who the guy in the white rope is, but that’s Stretch Starbucks standing next to him.”

I told you it was bad. Have a nice weekend.