A Pirate's Lust

I guess its time I come clean. As a Pirate that blogs I can keep many secrets, especially from Mrs. Pirate and all that read. But now the burden has become too much to carry. I’m in lust with Paris Hilton.

I know many of you are probably saying why, oh why, Pirate man? Is it too tough to find someone better? Are you that hard up? Or are you some kind of perv? Many of you will instantly start tearing away at her for her droopy eye, or her lack luster life of a prom queen. Many will despise her because of the ever-present silver spoon hanging from her lip. Or dis her for carrying a Chihuahua around all the time. Then there is the sex video. The poor girl can’t even take the whole enchilada, but she sure gives it real good try.

The truth is I am a lowly piece of crap when it comes to lusting and I have never been too damn creative when I develop a lust for a celebrity. My first was Raquel Welch when I was first experimenting with uhm, life. Then the Bridget Bardot pictures in Playboy were keepers. Then I lusted for Lori Partridge and not Marsha Brady, sorry I like the hippie looking type. Then there were a variety of celebs throughout college. Mostly women that would bare their breast in any movie made my head turn. Or should I say, stand up and take notice. It didn’t take much then and it takes just a tad more today to peak my interest in celebrity lust.

A few years ago I was quietly lusting for the teen babe Britney Spears. As most women that I knew bitched about how the girl was fucking up all the little girls that were buying her records, I thought boy she has a nice belly button. The secret here is that Britney wasn’t created for the little teenybopper girls but rather for their bored and lusting fathers.

Today we have Paris Hilton. I lust her very much. Those eyes that look like she just got done smoking a bowl. Those lips, those lips, those lips, did I mention her lips? Pouty and full, lips just like any lustful perverted Pirate would appreciate many a nights sailing about. And her slow and slumbering movement, her lack of excitement, her inability to over react is much needed aboard a pirate ship. Then that little ass of hers is well, hot!.

Don’t be too upset please. Because I would kick that damn ankle biting snippy little hairless poodle to the curb as soon as I brought her into my nest. I would then go to work on her making her ship shape.

Paris when ever you are ready to sail the open seas and be ravaged day after day and become a kept little rich bitch, just call and I’ll come sailing. Imagine and I don’t really like the French.

Please give a thought about the Reverend Doctor Abigambi whenever you have free time. He recently had some medical work done to him so he could compete in the Tour de France. He now swings to one side. His doctor told him that they could replace it with a baby onion but he was afraid it might make his martini olive jealous. I spoke with him this morning and he sounded terrible. He claims it was the breathing tube. Yeah right bud.

If you really want to piss the guy off just add him to your prayers. There is nothing that makes a scoundrel like him more uncomfortable than dating a transvestite than people praying for his soggy ass. The good thing for the Rev. Dr. is no one can get DNA samples from him any more and that will cut down on what he always calls, false accusations.