I'm Free

That bitch Paris just called and said she has found herself another man, some Metrosexual named Paris. I thought she was really taking to the real man stuff I was teaching her. Apparently she can only be seen in public with pretty boys and is forbidden by her mother that she isn't to be seen with Pirates. Ahhh fuck her and her mom anyways, everyone else has.

I thought something was up when she started complaining about having to bring me another beer. Like that's tough or something. She should have my job of translating "What-in-the-hell- is-going-on-in-the-world" to her. Try watching the news with chick. She thought Los Angeles was a state. One night after a real rough romp she turned to me and said, "I wonder where the moon goes at night". When I told her, she actually doubted me.

You should have been there the day I took her to the gas station for the first time. I let drive up to the pump and ask the attendant to filler up. After almost taking out the pump and finally turning off the engine she stuck her head out the window and told the kid working the pumps that she needed gas. He leaned down and told her that he'd love to fill up her tank but she'll have to move to the other side so he could reach it. The dumb bitch scooted over to where I was sitting in the passenger seat, sat on my lap and with her flirty Paris voice asked if he could reach it now?

My luck isn't too good this year with women. First we had the Angelina Jolie incident and Brad Pitt bogarting the lips. Then Uma Thurman tells me she can't come out and play anymore (she was getting too rough for me anyway). And now Paris.

Whose available? Where and who do I turn to?