In the News

Well its that time again where I skim through the wacky world of news and share what I have found. This allows you to spend your time on more important things instead of delving into the world of news.

From Atascadero, Calfornia John Skinner a retired salesman has reported to the police that he was robbed in his home by a stripper. On his way to Bible study one night he was approached by a Strip-O-Gram girl who informed him that he had won a free Strip-O-Gram. Instead of continuing on his path towards Bible study he decided to take advantage of his winnings. Once in the house the stripper was joined by two others, a man and a woman, who held Mr. Skinner at gun point as they rifled through Mr. Skinner's home for valuables. When the trio was arrested they claimed they were collecting on past sexual favors Mr. Skinner had failed to pay for.

Mr. Skinner claims the robbers were being a little greedy because he did owe them money for sex but not as much as they claimed. According to Mr. Skinner the trio was over charging because on the last sleep-over he had fallen asleep before finishing.

A note to Mr. Skinner, focus on the relationships you can develop at the Bible studies. I think the Bible ladies may be a little less rough and may keep your interest enough so you can stay awake.


Did you know that today is Potato Chip Day?

A man in Pittsburgh claims his use of the middle finger is protected free speech. I thought Lynard Skynard already wrote that song, "Free Bird".

Milosevic's son claims his father was murdered with poison while in his cell awaiting the completion of his trial for atrosities of murdering thousands of his fellow countrymen. That really pulls on your heart strings doesn't it? They most likely were making room for Saddam.

Did you know that the month of March is deemed National Noodle Month?

Speaking of noodles Senator Feingold was a little disappointed after railing against President Bush's apathetic attitude regarding NSA's eavesdropping on international telephone calls between potential terrorists. Feingold called for hearings and a possible censorship of President Bush. His fellow Democrats apethitically supported him by saying they weren't interested in pursuing such antics. I say quit bitchin at W and help us find these dolts who are bent on killing all of us, you included Feingold.


"Watch where you're pointing that thing, Dick."

Speaking of President Bush. The Las Vegas minor-league hockey team, the Wranglers, will be having a Dick Cheney night as a promotional stunt. Fans will be given hunting vests as they enter the arena to watch the game. The word is Senator Ted Kennedy will be driving the visiting team's bus. I'm sensing a forfeit.



Its nice being connected. Hic...

After all the whining about UAE's Dubai purchasing the rights to administor the management of some American port terminals we find out they have already been operating a terminal in Miami. Throughout this debate over the terminals, I wondered why no one dwelled on Communist China's opeartions of the terminals at Long Beach, California.

From Oslo Norway a woman claims her kitchen faucet was drawing beer when she turned it on. Now all you naysayers and atheists try telling me there is no God.

Does anyone understand or speak Chinese? I am looking for an answer for what the word "Dong" stands for. Down the street from my home there is a Chinese market. Its name is "A Dong Market" What the heck is a dong? Do I need to purchase a new dong?

From Hollywood, Jennifer Anniston says she is tired of being part of the "sick Bermuda Triangle" that her ex-husband, Brad Pitt and the lovely and gracious Angeline Jolie have drug her into. Okay, Jennifer you can join mine. We're not as sick.

Isaac Hayes of Shaft fame has quit the cast of voices for South Park. He claims they went too far when they started making fun of religion. More specifically he was upset how the writers were poking fun at Tom Cruise. I guess it fine to poke fun at everyone else but you better not target Tom Cruise.

The new song "Where My Hose At?" is the front runner for next year's original song Oscar.

Hey, don't get mad at me. That's just the way I found it.

Peace...