Be really careful what you tell the authorities

I'm one of those fathers a lot of you may remember when it comes to my kids and their friends. When the kids were in the early elementry grades and they brought home friends I made sure the new friend felt welcome in our home. I actually do that to anyone that enters my personal space or my home for that matter.

When the boys were young I always referred to them and their little buddies as girls, and visa versa with my daughters. It was and still is nothing for me to ruff a kid's hair and give them a bad time or most often talk to them like they actually count. That their opinion or perspective of the world around them is as valid as anyone elses. But I have to admit many of the kids I have known over the years took awhile to understand me. I'm not like a lot of dads many of my kid's friends have. I'm not a micro-manager, I'm not a conformist, I am big and loud and consume life. In no way can anyone ever confuse me with a wall flower or a silent participant. Let's be honest I am not a lot like my peers.

For years I use to train my kids to respond when I said," I've killed before" and they would say in unison, "and you will kill again." I would then follow with "Its because I am..." and their part, "simply evil".

Of course I am not and have never been but it was some mindless thing that landed in my noggin somwhere along the road and my kids loved playing the straight man for me.

Kids would ask my little guys, "What happened to your dad's hand?" and they would respond "Oh, he stuck it up an elephants butt and the elephant farted." all in straight face. They were good. Something like Rowan and Martin, George and Gracie, Lewis and Martin, a true team.

Another one I always told kids was, "I once shot a man in Reno. Just to watch him die". I had been saying that phrase ever since I first heard the man in Black sing it on my mom's Johnny Cash's San Quinton album. I loved Johnny Cash and I loved to emulate him. He was the real King to me.

Then one day when my boys were in first and third grades respectively I had to run something up to the office of their school. I dropped off what ever it was and was making my way down the long hall of the old school building when I heard a kid yell with overwhelming excitement, "Hey guys there's Jock's dad. You know he once killed a man. Yeah he did, just to watch him die". I looked over and the teacher who was in charge of the class turned as white as a ghost and promptly closed the classroom door. As I neared the stairs to descend I looked back and she was peeking around the door making sure I left the building.

Thanks Johnny Cash I am now a wanted man.....